One of the areas that impacts us most in life is relationships. After all, we have relationships with everyone and everything in our lives. When things are good, new and fresh, we feel fulfilled, happy and blessed to have a relationship with said person or thing, but it's how we react when those things change that is really telling about where we are in terms of self-love.
Stick with me as I explain how you can work through any self-love issues, and how you can add magic into your relationships.
Self-love is the key to accepting and loving (read: healthy!) relationships.
It's especially early on in our lives as women, during our teenage years, young adulthood, or whenever we start noticing boys, that poor self-esteem really start to affect our relationships, and that sets the trend for our future. You may recognize some of the effects in yourself:
1. Dreaming of a knight in shining armor coming to your rescue.
2. Needing to test whether he really loves you.
3. Being guarded about trusting a man.
4. Seeking insecurity in a relationship, because that's what you're used to.
Experiences during these early stages shape us to be who we become as adults.
If you dream of healthy romantic, platonic, friendship and business relationships, it is time to take a look inward.
Defining Healthy Relationships
There are some common traits of healthy relationships and tips on how you can bring magic into yours:
Partners accept one another fully, including the small annoyances. They uplift and support one another to make small changes. However, they don't try to change the other person's core being.
You can show your acceptance for those you care about by complimenting them on what is different about them and finding small ways in which you can support their passions.
They share a connection that, at the same time, does not consume or suffocate them. They understand that each person is an individual inside and outside the relationship and they give one another wings to fly, yet they celebrate the times they spend together.
When away from someone, stay connected by taking a photo of something that reminds you of them. When you get back together, do something special, even if it is just sharing a meal.
Keith Urban leaves a letter for Nicole Kidman for every night that he's away from home.
Good listening is vital for every relationship on the planet. Taking time to listen to someone allows you to give them the most valuable gift: the gift of time. Sometimes all we need is someone who can listen to us, without judgment, without giving advice.
If you need it from a specific person and not getting it, you may want to stop them and say: "I need to talk to you and it is important that you listen to me, but I want you to understand me and it's difficult for me to talk about it. Is that okay with you?"
By the same token, if you need advice, say so. If you don't want advice, make that clear, too.
Listening goes both ways, so be sure that you return the gift every chance you get.
Every person is complete in themselves, but some expect other people to bring them happiness. Expecting someone else to make you happy is completely unfair. While it's okay to ask for things that will make you happy, such as time, companionship and support, you cannot base your happiness on someone else. Happiness comes from inside.
Find ways in which you can make yourself complete. Read our post about balancing body, mind and soul. Remember, money can't buy completeness, and nobody else can do it for you either.
Being generous is not about buying gifts, but rather about intensions. It's about making small compromises; doing little things (ideally without being asked) to make the other person's life more enjoyable.
It's easy to do this: you can be generous with your time, your gratitude, and thoughtfulness in whatever way it presents.
People in healthy relationships can talk about things. They don't harbor resentments, instead, they talk it out until they understand the deeper issues that caused the resentments in the first place. This brings a better understanding of both yourself and the other person, and it strengthens the relationship.
Most people are inherently good, but we all have lapses of judgment. Therefore, when someone does something that hurts you, do yourself a favor and get away from the thought that it was done with that purpose. Everyone makes mistakes.
Healthy relationships are based on transparency. Trying to be someone you are not is dishonest, and it is unhealthy for you. In the end, your true colors will show and that will require for the relationship to be renegotiated from a basis of mistrust.
Be yourself. People may not like you and that's just fine, too. By being honest about who you are, people will know what to expect and those that stick around will be worth holding on to.
At the end of the day, it all comes back to you. Until next week, we say goodbye with these great words from Rumi:
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.